if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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