Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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