Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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