He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
