Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
