i don't like sucking hair
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
