My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
