My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
