I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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