i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
