No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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