What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
