Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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