if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The air was thick with penises
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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