Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
