Ambien. No doubt about it.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
