i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
