I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just high enough for therapy.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
