dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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