You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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