his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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