My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
