Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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