im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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