i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
