i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
