she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize