I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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