my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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