my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
