Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
