I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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