Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
