i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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