We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dicks are not precious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
