from now on my penis is your penis
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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