i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
