My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
