Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I love having hate sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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