Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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