there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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