she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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