you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
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Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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