i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?