Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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