Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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