hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
