Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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