Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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