just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
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My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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