hell yes lets make some ravioli
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
