I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
