I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
