My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
