return my video game
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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