I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
