i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
