every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
