If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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