morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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