apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
