One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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