someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
