five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
