I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
