Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
