Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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