My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm passing your future prison.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
