We won't sleep together?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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