You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
